The Floridian Chainsaw Massacre

I tried, but it just doesn’t have the same ring. Suppose I’ll get hit with a lawsuit.

All this time, and we haven’t seen a Leatherface in Space movie.

Imagine the infamous cannibal butcher floating in zero gravity, slowly swinging his chainsaw.  Awkward, yes, but better than any of the last few Chainsaw entries.

Other slasher villains have had their own galactic voyages, wreaking havoc in space. Leatherface instead toils in the dilapidated cornfields of some nondescript Texas farm for eternity. Enough is enough. Get this man to Mars.

October Rust

With October, we’re down to the last three big months of the year, when everything really picks up steam. How’d we get here? Where are we going? What should I have for dinner?

Someone, tell me!

I know that if we don’t pay our bills, the “repo man” will come a’ knocking. I know that anything that tastes good is bad for you and that you can’t move things with your mind.  

Life is filled with various ups and downs, and we’ve got to take things in stride–despite mass murdering lunatics seemingly around every corner.

For now, let’s focus on more pressing matters, like my Halloween costume.

Is it wrong for a grown man to dress up for Halloween? Is it just as wrong for that same man to go trick or treating around his neighborhood alone? I’m willing to compromise. Kids can go from 4:00 – 7:00 pm and adults from 7:00 – 9:00 pm.

On second thought, any adult standing at their neighbor’s front door at night in a scary mask is liable to get shot in our current low trust society. No amount of Hershey’s is worth the risk.

Do we give children candy nowadays or just SSRIs? I’ve been trying to decide which candy variety bags to purchase without spending half my paycheck. They’re ridiculously expensive. Maybe I’ll just make some candy apples. How hard could it be?  

Pre-Holiday Thoughts

The year is almost over, and I haven’t completed nearly as many comics as I’ve wanted to, along with a litany of other goals on my coveted to-do list.  

Fear not, I have a Halloween comic lined up, and all will be right in the world.

The holidays can be stressful, but they’re also the best time of the year. Everything ends until we start anew. Decorations, parties, events, costumes, gifts, food, family, and fun are just the beginning.

It may be overwhelming, but it’s not nearly as much as being on a spaceship with Leatherface.

Things could always be worse. I just read an article about the Taliban shutting down the Internet in Afghanistan. It now appears that their Internet blackout has ended.

Unfortunately, the country has only further descended into a theocratic totalitarian state since the Taliban returned to power.

Imagine your Internet connection controlled by someone referred to as “Supreme Leader Hibatullah Akhundzada.” Imagine that you can’t even Google anything to find out what happened.

Here in the U.S., (some) people went apoplectic after Jimmy Kimmel was yanked off the air for a few days by his employers. There were even protests! As if anyone really cares about Jimmy Kimmel.

We couldn’t imagine a real dictatorship, and that’s a good thing. We should always appreciate what we have, which is more than most people in the world.

Here’s to a wonderful month ahead and so much more!

P.S. If I show up at your door dressed like Spiderman, don’t shoot. I only want some candy.