Something in the Air

The turkey has landed. I repeat, the turkey has landed.

I hope everyone is ready for the holidays, because I’m not. I don’t even know what month or year it is. Happy Oktoberfest 2013?

Seeing the 1987 classic Planes, Trains and Automobiles on TV can only mean one thing, Thanksgiving is near. It seems like only yesterday I was watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade from a Guatemalan prison for smuggling hashish. It was all a big misunderstanding that I’ll never speak of again.

Remember Air Bud, the movie about a basketball playing dog? That should be traditional viewing around the holidays too, along with its direct-to-video sequels. Who wouldn’t want to root for that guy?

The Family Jewels

As always, I’m thankful to be alive. I’m thankful for my health, my family and friends, my collection of retro video games, my robot butler, and my priceless French crown jewels. Wait a minute, I’m getting too materialistic.

I also deny any involvement with the brazen Louvre Museum heist in Paris. It just so happens I have a few priceless jewels lying around. They’re probably fakes anyway.

It’s also necessary to point out the shocking ineptitude of the museum security guards who were chased off by four hapless thieves who broke into the second floor of the Louvre using a mechanical lift during regular opening hours.

Authorities have since reportedly caught four unnamed suspects believed to be involved in the theft. None of the jewels have been recovered, and it’s unclear if they ever will. Leave it to the bungling French. Someone get them Indiana Jones!

Giving Thanks

Gratitude and appreciation for everything is important, but Thanksgiving is mainly a celebration of the things that matter beyond material possessions, appreciation for those who protect us, a reflection of the good we can do for ourselves and others, and where we think of the less fortunate and lend a hand.

I could do something unprecedented and bake a turkey. In all the years of eating other people’s food, I’ve never prepared a grand Thanksgiving dinner. The last time I tried to make gravy, relatives complained that it tasted like motor oil. I only used a little bit! And my Tofurky certainly didn’t win over any converts.

Maybe I can take a class through LinkedIn Learning or just ask ChatGPT.

Ready or not, the holidays are here. After the inevitable food coma next Thursday, it’s time to get to work. Time to send out your greeting cards and shop frantically for deals.

Time to take holiday pictures, hang lights, watch Home Alone 1 & 2, write Santa, deliver fruit cake to your local congressional representative, practice caroling, or light the menorah.

It’s time to celebrate, because all this craziness only comes once a year.

As I grow older, I see less family each year. When I was a kid, I’d see relatives all the time, sometimes against my will. Naturally, I miss those days.

If I had one holiday wish, it would be to have a reunion with all the friends & family I haven’t seen in a while. Come on by. I’ll bring all the fixings.