101 Spam Calls

In the old days, we had junk mail and telemarketers. Much has changed, yet the song remains the same.

As technology advanced, so have unwanted sales pitches and scams tactics—leading to an endless barrage of spam calls and text messages in our daily lives.

For example, the average person (probably) spends about five minutes a day cleaning out their inbox—that adds up to roughly 1,825 minutes or 30 hours of wasted time each year.

While there are ways to block and/or report unwanted text messages and phone calls, they often fall short. I’ve since sponsored a 2,000-page bill banning unsolicited junk in all forms, entitled The Frustration and Annoyance Reduction Act (FARC) of 2025.

Naturally, the bill was loaded with earmarks, amendments, and pork-barrel provisions—plenty of junk in its own right, but that’s the nature of the game. Congress unjustly rejected my bill on the part of me not being an actual lawmaker.

“Regular folk” can’t submit legislation, they say. I’m just supposed to sit back and do nothing. My bill also included a moratorium on the words “ya’ll,” “sick,” and “irregardless,” for starters. “Particularly” is also under consideration.

The OG of Conspiracies

In the meantime, the newly released JFK files shed some light on that dark day in November 1963. The combined documents total about 80,000 pages—not exactly light reading. Maybe I’ll wait for the audiobook version. I’m a busy man.

Numerous declassified memorandums and letters underscore a litany of CIA operations during the time and the agency’s active surveillance of Lee Harvey Oswald before Kennedy’s assassination.

Oswald, a New Orleans native and communist agitator, temporarily defected to the Soviet Union after being discharged from the Marine Corps. He inexplicably returned to the U.S. and resettled in Dallas, TX with his Russian wife and newborn daughter.

His relatively short and turbulent life (dead at 24) showed all the signs of a lunatic assassin in the making or perhaps the perfect image of one.

Oliver Stone originally covered the gambit of conspiracy theories in his epic 1991 movie. While nothing suggests a vast government conspiracy to take down Kennedy before his reelection campaign, the files do provide a window into the Cold War mentality of the time.

We may never know the full story, and evidence of a second shooter or multiple shooters remains to be seen. Too much time may have passed.

Goodbye, April

It’s hard enough to uncover the truth about current events even in our information-saturated age—as the so-called Epstein Files have demonstrated.

The idea that the richest, most powerful perverts in the world would be tied to some incontrovertible “list” amid video evidence of their crimes is laughable. Epstein is the Al Capone’s vault of politics or the Jimmy Hoffa of unsolved mysteries. All that exists is speculation.

Unsolved Mysteries was a fantastic TV show from the ’80s and ’90s that lasted twelve seasons. It practically invented the dramatized style of modern reality crime shows today.

Hosted by the venerable Robert Stack for most of its run, the show was known for its unforgettably chilling theme song, deft reenactments, and eerie tone. The alien abduction episodes were always standouts.

The latest mystery to surface involves April, the forgotten month. It came and went like that Snow White dud. Was it all a dream?

We’re almost six months into the year and all I have to show for it is a few bucks in my wallet and a Donkey Kong T-shirt (thank you Epic Universe). But we must push ahead and embrace a year of possibilities.

Until then, let’s turn off our phones, go outside, and experience a few moments without distractions.

It’s the only way to show the scammers who’s boss.